I have had the good fortune of being mentored by a variety of people for as long as I can remember.
Equally rewarding have been the memories of mentoring others. These formal and informal arrangements have allowed me to move in professional circles that might otherwise have been closed to me. Now that the “sun is over the yardarm” on my career — with more years behind me than ahead — I ask your permission to reflect on these experiences and offer some suggestions for you, wherever you are in your career.
Whenever I lead a workshop, I make a point to ask during the introductions: “How many years do you have ‘in the business’ — however you choose to count that?” If your 20 years as an Army nurse set you up for success in your current role in public health, count them. No one audits these numbers.
I ask someone to tally them up as we go along, and after the introductions are complete, I ask for the total. In the most recent workshop, the total was 241 years among the 15 people in the room. I make a point to face the person with the most seniority (last week, it was 45 years) and say, “As much experience as you have, there are 196 years of other people’s experience available to you right in this room.” Then I turn to the most junior participant, who in this case measured her experience in months, not years, and say, “Look at all the experience you can tap among the people you now know.”
I may have more experience than you in some areas… but I don’t have your experience. And your experience — no matter how limited — adds value to mine.
Mentorships are based on a few key principles:
- Honesty: Mentorships are about making people better, not just making them feel better. Some of the greatest benefits I’ve received came from mentors who told me exactly what I was doing wrong. It was crushing — until I realized I was now better informed and ready to improve.
- Respect: The mentor must respect the potential of the mentee, just as the mentee must respect the wisdom of the mentor.
- Limits: While some mentorships evolve into or stem from friendships, many remain purely professional. Mentees must recognize that mentors are only human. Their expertise in the mentorship subject may be stellar, but they may be less exceptional in other areas of life. The mentorship is about a specific professional domain. Your mentor is not your personal savior or guardian angel. Don’t bring them your personal problems.
Successful organizations create mentorship opportunities.
When I was the Recruitment and Retention Officer for a volunteer rescue squad, I made a point to welcome every new face at every event, and to ensure they made at least one friend that day. The “friend” and the new person would exchange contact information, and the friend’s main responsibility was to ensure the new person felt welcome — no, felt expected — to attend the next event.
I used to agonize over finding the “perfect” mentor for each newcomer. But one night, there were four new faces, and I just randomly paired each with an active member. They all knew what was expected of them and responded without question.
One of them pulled me aside afterward and said, “I can’t be a mentor; I’m still being mentored by Sarah!”
I explained that one mentorship doesn’t have to end before another begins.
“You don’t need to be perfect,” I said. “Just willing.”
So, be willing to mentor someone who’s earlier in their journey than you, and be willing to be mentored by someone with a few more years of experience than you.
How to Be a Good Mentor:
- Respect the boundaries of the mentorship. If you’re helping someone grow as an emergency manager, you have no credibility coaching them in cooking or relationships — even if you think you’re good at those things.
- Listen more than you talk. The mentee will reveal what they need, even if they struggle to articulate it. Ask questions, but don’t answer them yourself.
- Be willing to help solve problems. This might mean advocating for your mentee in group settings or talking to someone else in the organization about changes needed to better support them.
- Be open to learning from the mentee. Their perspective is new — and not the same as yours was years ago. Learn from it.
- Set a regular schedule for conversations. Make assignments. Coach. Offer praise and correction as needed.
- Avoid jargon unless you’ve defined it together. The mentee isn’t expected to know all the acronyms — until you teach them.
- Celebrate their success. It becomes part of your legacy, too.
How to Be a Good Mentee:
- Respect the boundaries of the mentorship. If you’re being mentored in emergency management, don’t ask for relationship advice. Nobody is the complete package.
- Listen more than you talk. Ask questions and focus on the answers. This is the most forgiving time in your life to ask. No one expects you to know everything. If you don’t understand something, speak up. One of two things will happen: (1) You’ll learn something new; or (2) Everyone will realize they didn’t really understand it either — they just never asked.
- Follow through. Do what you agreed to do, when you agreed to do it, and update your mentor on your progress. Stick to the schedule.
- Thank your mentor. No plaques or trinkets are necessary. Just acknowledge what you’ve learned from them.
Closing
So wherever you are in your career, I hope you'll consider this an invitation. Be willing to share what you know, even if you are still learning. Be open to receiving guidance, even if you've been doing this a long time. Mentorship isn't about having all the answers - it is about showing up for one another. You never know whose life you might impact just by being willing.
